Most times they come back after you've forgotten them. They claim crazy things like “ you are my soulmate “and “I still love you”. Never let an ex back into your life to mess up your happiness. It shows weakness and self hate.

Either use their bodies or money and discard them, clown them into being fools or ignore them completely. I usually tell them they are dead to me and if they are sorry go treat their next partner with respect. Treat your next lover how you should have treated me. I'm not allowing that baggage back into my life. You only get one chance with me. I'll even forgive them but friendship or fwb is the closest they can get to coming back.

I have so many things to say, mostly because what you’ve experienced resonates with my own experience when I was younger. While I don’t know that any of this will help, I can at least tell you some of what I’ve learned about myself.

The first thing I discovered is that when I really liked someone, I felt like this was finally it, and I didn’t want to screw it up. So I tried too hard. I tried to do what they wanted. I tried to be generous to them. I tried to be interested in their interests. What I didn’t understand is that by doing that, I gave up being myself. It is crazy making for someone to be in a relationship with someone where there’s no ‘there’ there. A partner wants to be with someone from whom they can learn, who has a distinct personality with distinct interests. After a while, if you’re trying too hard, you can lose yourself. I’ve found that ideally, I need to rise above the relationship and have a self image and self respect that transcends it. Of course, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be kind and thoughtful.

The other point about being in that place is that it makes the other person feel like they don’t have a choice about the relationship. It’s so important to you that it doesn’t develop by degrees, the natural way. That’s frankly scary to anyone. A relationship where both people start with some reserve and peel away the layers over time is safe for both people, because as you learn more about each other, you have a chance to accept or reject that as what you want in a relationship. Dump everything on someone right away, and you’ll terrify the other person.

Finally, I want to tell you about my ‘best self’ paradigm. I’m not a religious person, but this is somewhat inspired by WWJD (what would Jesus do). So you’re in some situation and you are panicky, or feeling like you don’t know the best way to be. My guidance is to cultivate a notion of what your ‘best self’ is. You’re in some situation in a relationship, and imagine what someone you really admire would do. (Maybe some super cool movie actor, or a parent, or friend.) Instead of doing what your impulse would have you do, step back and imagine what your best self would do. Then do it. (This is a little bit like the “count to 10 before you act” idea.) The amazing thing is that if you do this a few times, you start being the person you want to be. In terms of a relationship, imagine the kind of person your ideal mate of person would want to spend their life with. Then think about developing those traits and propensities.

I guess the bottom line is that you’ve experienced a pattern in your life. And although as the investment folks say, “past performance is no guarantee of future results”, it is something to pay attention to. I’d just encourage you to know that you aren’t ever stuck where you are. You have the power to become the person you want to be. Do that, and women will want to be with you. They’ll want to be a part of that self-confident person who knows who he is and acts the part.

Best of luck to you, anon. What you’re experiencing is part of life. Very few people are ready for relationships at the get go. The best thing to do is to learn and grow, and you’ll be guaranteed to get it right over time.

It depends on your age

If you are between 14 and 22, it's normal because girls that age are so immature and shallow, they look for the bad ‘attractive’ guy who please them and offer them what they want, (they stil don't know the meaning of life) that's why a lot of young people like you and me tend to be in a relationship with older women ( over 40s)

But if you are older than that, it's about you my friend, sorry to break it to you, how do you represent yourself in front of the world, are you negative? Do you always complain, do you find execuses for everything, than stop it, yiu are able to change it i swear, and how? It's really simple

Starting with your clothing You need to wear comfortable things, don't wear like those so called bad boys, bust wear normal things, take care of your face(water and soap are enough we are not like girls), go to the gym, start small to make a good body, i'm not telling you to be like Jeff seid or Lazar angelov, just a normal fit body that attracts not only women but all people, also, spend more time with yourself, don't be too available for any bastard or for you crush, they will lose interet so fast because they won't find excitement, be myterious, talk less, less means say important and meaningful things only,stay humble, help people but not too much and help them for and not to be impressed by others,

Also, never ever ask a girl why she lost interest in you or that bullshit, first of all they won't answer you, second they don't know what they want in you because they are distracted with the media and the world, and third they don't want to see you as the man that will save them, just be normal a don't make it a big deal, beacuse it's not worth it at all, i used to be like you a d i learned my lesson, sl i wanted to share with you

Hope this helps

I think this is because girls are so insecure about their own feelings towards others that they reject them out of fear. It’s weird. I’ve found that the less they know the better in these situations. It’s almost like they thrive off of uncertainty. Doesn’t quite make sense to me. I think it’s that a lot of times they have bad things that happen to them in the past or something so when they start to get enough info about the situation or the person they’re attracted to they start to automatically self sabotage. It’s almost like because there is no challenge for them that it becomes boring. You have to remember girls are taught that they can basically get whatever they want with their looks. It’s the upbringing that teaches them that sadly due to society. The thing is if it isn’t good enough for them or it isn’t “fun” enough then they drop it like a toy in Toy Story.

 Therefore, if you were to try to move on from her, here are some possible scenarios:

You move on and fall for someone else who actually does reciprocate your feelings. The girl who friendzoned you is history.
You pretend to move on and keep your distance while still keeping her in your heart and staying single for a while and keeping lines of communication open. She realizes her feelings for you and initiates things herself. You get her.
On the contrary, if you don't move on and keep pursuing her, here are the possible scenarios:

Even if she's kind of interested in you right now, she might think you're desperate and not giving her any space to think clearly. That is a major turn off.
She might not be interested in you at all and might start dating someone new while still keeping you hanging. You will come off as the weird, pathetic loser who would be the laughing stock of her gossipy girl gang and the sheer humiliation of that would dwell on your mind for days, making it all the more harder to get over her.

What you can do is tell her directly that you have no interest in only being friends, and that if you change your mind, reach out to me. Then walk away. She will start to doubt her impression of you or make her wonder what you are all about. Get yourself on her mind long enough and she will become a little interested. If she reaches out, make sure you make definite, specifically detailed plans for a date and hang up the phone or carry on with your mission and purpose in life until it’s time for the date to happen. Make sure the dates you plan have value. Set them up so that you can get to know each other and develop chemistry, sexual tension, mystery, and desire. So avoid movie dates, avoid any type of date that doesn’t allow you two to converse and flirt. Avoid high-pressure dates initially, like going out to dinner. Save that for later on. Make sure you have goals you are working towards so that you are not only interesting and not boring, but are keeping yourself busy focusing on achievements instead of women. Also make sure you have other options so you don’t get too attached to her too quickly — remember this is courtship, you are the prize, not her. You have a plan for your future and a clear path to get there, so you are the leader of your life and thus the leader of your relationships.

Initially in the beginning stages of dating, you’ll want to do most of the work. You are the one who’s initiating attraction, developing trust, and breaking through her walls. Afterwards, slowly relax and put less effort so that the push/pull dynamic turns around and she starts doing 70–80% of the pursuing. From there, it’s incredibly easy and smooth sailing. I’m this stage however, you need to keep in mind when anyone is doing the chasing, they are in their feminine energy, so when a woman is in her feminine energy, she wants to feel secure in her femininity. So the shit tests will begin and they should be embraced and viewed as a good thing when they come to you. She will test your masculine strength to see if she can fully trust you as a man and so she will feel safe staying in that feminine energy, otherwise she will go back to her masculine energy whenever you fail them. Embrace the tests, recognize the tests, and understand the testing will never end so long as she is in her feminine energy. This is a good thing. Eventually, if you pass enough of them over a period of time, some of which tests whether you are a man of purpose and drive or not, she will ask you to be her boyfriend. You won’t ever have to ask her to be your girlfriend. If you fail the tests continuously, you’ll need to back away a little to create distance and thus reestablish mystery in her head in order to re-attract her and she will begin pulling towards you once again.
  • personal/relationships/breakups.txt
  • Last modified: 2024/04/02 01:46
  • by jimboobrien